Culture: Atmosphere, Food, and Relationships.

Atmosphere

Why is it that in the church, we have to be reminded how to have a good time? I think it’s because we’ve lost some of our edge. What we often call holiness is actually just religiosity. The power in your small group is seen in the joy. The life. The music. The fun. The laughter.

Part of the attraction to the church is that we should have more life than the world. We don’t have the shame and the guilt the world carries. We are free. We have resurrection life. We should have the most lively, joyful homes of anyone. Homes that actually attract the city around us.

Food and atmosphere are gifts from God to help people feel less lonely. How you set the table, the food, the atmosphere. It’s all just as holy as someone sharing a revelation from the Word. It’s all spiritual.

It’s not about the fanciest space. It’s about excellence without perfection. An atmosphere of love, grace, and acceptance. Welcoming at the door. Can I get you a drink? Serving people in your group. Can I take your coat? Small, intentional moments create an atmosphere of safety and comfort.

On Sundays you always have welcomers at your church. Greeters. Signs. A foyer that’s set. Clarity and connection from the start. That same level of excellence should transfer to your small groups. In New York, there are usually three or four barriers in a typical apartment before someone even reaches your door. That’s three or four options for someone to be hindered from walking in. We turn it into a positive. We put someone at every threshold. By the time a guest gets inside the home, they have already been welcomed three times. Some of their walls are already down. They have felt loved, cared for, and seen from the very first moment.

That’s the culture of welcome. That’s what radical hospitality looks like. That’s what grace does. At every threshold. You may not be used to this. But you’re welcome here.

Food

I grew up in small groups, and sometimes we can be casual about the food. Chips and salsa on a table. Nothing really offered. What we’ve done from the beginning, and what we’ve seen impact our Dinner Parties, is that people feel the service the moment they walk in. A drink in their hand. Great food offered.

We’ve discovered that some of the groups that have grown the fastest are the ones with the best food. Isn’t it amazing that in Christian small groups the food can be a little bit, well, bland? Not in your church, of course. But in some places it’s not as prepared as it could be. We believe in great food. And you don’t need a lot of resources to do this well. We made a lot of pasta with red sauce in the early days. It looked good, filled people up, was warm and inviting, didn’t cost a lot, and people could taste the love in it.

It’s powerful what food does. Jesus said do this in remembrance of me. There is something meaningful when you break bread together. People open up more. A room with full stomachs is a room where people feel ready, physically and spiritually, before the discussion even begins.

From the start, we had a culture of people asking if they could bring something. There’s something about turning up to a place with something in your hand. It’s easier to walk in the door when you know you’re bringing something that’s needed. People want to feel like they contribute. It’s Kingdom culture. Entering a space and giving something. In the early days we would tell people don’t worry about it, we’ve got it covered. But we quickly realized that our no actually hindered the person who would have felt more at home by bringing something to the table.

Each group is responsible for managing the food, the finances of it, and finding the best rhythm. Some groups have a leader prepare the main dish, like meat for a taco night, and every member brings a topping. The main is covered, and everyone contributes. Other groups run more potluck-style with a theme for the night like Italian. Pasta, salad, appetizer. Everyone picks a dish and brings it. The key is communication. Leaders plan the meal, dish, or theme ahead of time. They communicate early so people can plan. This takes pressure off the leaders and invites the whole group into the hospitality.

We’ve put together a resource of twenty themed meal ideas that our leaders rotate through. You’ll find it in Menu Ideas.

Relationships

Relationships are the glue. The stickiness that keeps your groups together and keeps them growing. A culture of healthy, genuine relationships is what draws people into your groups and keeps them there. You can have all the systems, all the tips, the best atmosphere, the candles, the food. But if you don’t have healthy relationships and you don’t teach your leaders to build them, your groups will crumble. The foundation of every group isn’t structure. The roots have to be connected to the source, which is Jesus. From that primary relationship with Him, we build healthy friendships with each other.

Building and sustaining relationships isn’t only the work of the Follow Up leader. It isn’t only on the extrovert. It’s on everyone. Every member of the group has the ability to foster real relationship, and every member should take it seriously.

Ask the clear questions. Invest. Get to know the people in your group. How are they doing? How is their relationship with God? What are they walking through right now? The personal questions are what build trust and intimacy. They’re also a great starting point for prayer.

Then, remember what people share. If someone asks for prayer for a job interview on Friday, remember it. Reach out on Friday. Pray for them. Remember all the moments. A lot of great friendships are built on someone who remembers. Be the person who remembers the thing. The job promotion. The parent going through a health battle. The interview. Remember to reach out. To pray. To ask how it went.

And be the person who celebrates. No matter what state your own life is in as a leader, you’re there to celebrate with your people. First to congratulate. First to highlight the win. The proposal. The job. The apartment. The baby. Whatever it is in their life, we are the ones who celebrate it.

People remember who was there in hard times. And who was there in the celebrations. That’s where friendships are built beyond just a small group gathering. You break outside the walls of Wednesday night and experience real life together.

Another key to building relationships is knowing what’s happening in the life of your church and community. That lets you help someone in your group take their next step. An event coming up. A course. A seminar. Something that would help them grow and be discipled. That’s relational building. That’s building healthy disciples.